A New Gramma's Question: How Big to Do Christmas for a 2-Year-Old?
Dec 10, 2006
We're heading to Omaha this week to visit our granddaughter, Katie Leigh, who I used to call our "grandbaby." Not anymore. She's running, jabbering and almost going potty.
Her parents keep a photo of us on their refrigerator, and if they point to our faces she says "Gwamma" and "Gwappa." We tell ourselves that she knows us, and likes us. We also wonder if she'll remember a single thing that we say or do. I mean, if we died tomorrow, we'd go with no place in her memory.
Therefore, we wonder how "big" to do Christmas for her. For the last two years (she was born in October 2004), her parents haven't even put up a tree, figuring she or the cat would yank it down and she wouldn't remember it anyway.
We're thinking Christmas this year with Katie will be not only early, but not focused on presents. We're thinking singing songs, pointing at pretty lights and giving her a few little things (she has LOADS of relatives on her mother's side) and just being there.
My own Christmas memories don't begin until I was about 7. I do have photos of myself at Christmas when I was 2 or 3, in front of the Christmas tree, and when I look at them I ache over what my young and inexperienced parents did for me.
Maybe that's the best reason for Gwamma and Gwappa to be present at Christmastime -- so years later Katie can look at photos and realize how much we loved her, even when she was too young to know it.
Comment by barb d | Dec 10, 2006 10:53:42 PM
I am the grandmother of four young children and believe me when I say they are not thinking about much at all, except perhaps what their next snack will be or what's on TV. Just love them, hold them, kiss them, and maybe somehow that will stay with them forever. So far it's working for me. My oldest grandchild is nine, so I'll have to get back to you in a few years.
Comment by Ann | Dec 10, 2006 11:05:53 PM
I have a 13 year old and his fondest memories are of spending the holidays with his family, the annual Christmas tree cutting and the Christmas specials on TV. Susan I think you're right when you mention your focus not being so much on presents. My own childhood memories are not so much what was under the tree, but by helping my mom make the Christmas cookies.
Comment by JGolden | Dec 10, 2006 11:28:05 PM
My grandsons live a few minutes from their maternal grandparents, who will give them whatever is the next step up from a "big" Christmas. We won't be with them this year, but I'm planning to send Christmas in a box filled with a few small gifts, gingerbread men and other treats and a video of Gwamma and Gwampa they can play between our visits.
I agree about the best reason for grandparents to be present. Everything we do is not only for today, but for the memories. I wish I'd have realized that 20 years ago...
Comment by JGolden | Dec 10, 2006 11:29:22 PM
And P.S. Susan - Katie's adorable! Thanks for sharing the photo.
Comment by Jodee | Dec 11, 2006 6:02:20 AM
Play with her! Get down on the floor and drive those trucks, dress those dolls. Talk in a funny voice. Throw her up in the air a lot. Tickle her. Go sliding (does it snow in Omaha?). Blow raspberries on her belly. Read lots of books to her. And make sure someone is taking pictures the whole time because, you're right, that's often what our earliest memories are based on.
Comment by Shell | Dec 11, 2006 7:24:08 AM
This might sound cold, but the only reason to buy big gifts for a two-year old is because it's fun for YOU. It's great to watch the little ones yank all the paper off and see their eyes get huge at the sign of the latest Fisher Price whatever, but the joy is so short-lived for the child that I don't think it's worth it. This is even more the case if there are oodles of other relatives that will drown the kid in a yuletide avalanche!!
When my children were younger, they would get so many gifts they lost sight of what was important. Half of them were never played with and abandoned in the bottom of the toy box or -- worse yet -- scattered all over the floor. Too many toys create so much visual and mental "noise," I think children get overwhelmed and stressed. I know I did!
Give your granddaughter something small and fun to open, then offer her parents a gift certificate to be used later on things she needs, like clothes, shoes, a trip to Build-a-Bear, something along those lines. It'll keep on giving and won't be left on the living room floor.
Comment by Z | Dec 11, 2006 8:59:11 AM
Shell is right on about giving gifts for our own satisfaction, the other reason to make a big blow out is to satisfy the parents. If they are not of that mind, then your okay there. If they are of that mind set, then there is no time like the present to change their expectations for the future. Shell also has a great suggestion with the gift certificate. I know when our children were young and every dollar was precious, a check from G&G was often given with that same idea in mind - and appreciated.
For now, and in the future, make memories and photos those are the gifts that will truly last.
Comment by John | Dec 11, 2006 9:46:14 AM
This might be your chance to show her that love doesn't ever need to be tied to things. It certainly CAN be, obviously, as generations have come to express via gift-giving (without which some might nearly not communicate at all).
But I think we're being 'played out' by something, turning some into blatant overconsumers on their way to desperately proving something that need not be confirmed by more than mere arrival and attention.
Something has taken a simple goodness in our mere human condition and whacked it into something beyond sinister.
So yeah, you've got a choice, Susan. If you give her something, give her something you made from something in nature...make two, so you can hold onto one and think of her when YOU stumble upon it.
Comment by Anita | Dec 11, 2006 10:13:56 AM
I would recommend classic children's books that can be read every night as a bedtime ritual. Attach a picture of Gwamma and Gwampa with Katie inside the front cover so every time the book is read that story is associated with you and the gift will be remembered. My two children cherished the small library of stories they received from relatives as gifts over a 10 to 15 year span.
I agree that physical and visual contact is the best way to make memories. My brother and sister-in-law would drive out to the Spokane area every summer and winter vacation to visit their two grandsons. "Papa Joe" returned home from every visit with scabs forming on his knees from playing with the grandsons on the floor.
Tragically he passed away 2 years ago today, but my sister-in-law continues to make the trip at least twice a year to maintain that all important contact with her grandsons.
Comment by Monica | Dec 11, 2006 1:03:06 PM
What impressed me about your article is that I have a daughter named Katie Leigh and named her that to distinguish her from the large number of "Katies" in the community. Great name. At 13, she drops the Leigh and just uses Katie, but I continue to call her that or simply Kate Leigh.
As far as gifts go, books are the best, particularly holiday books that you pull out and read annually during the holiday season.
Comment by Ellen | Dec 11, 2006 2:34:22 PM
I have no children (and therefore, grandchildren) but the same problem comes up with nieces and nephews. They are big enough now (all in their 30's) so they are considered "Adults", and so don't get gifts from Santa. But there is one great-nephew - 12 years old. He always got so much from Mom and Grandma - what to get him??? Several years ago, I started a savings account for him and add to it each birthday and Christmas. He knows about it, and I have already told him it MAY lead to a car - we'll see how he acts at 16 or 17! He doesn't misses one more gift to open.
Comment by Rachael | Dec 11, 2006 2:50:15 PM
When all is said and done, the children do really love the little things that make it Christmas. Lights, songs, movies, food and family. My daughter is 12, and she is really in the Christmas spirit this year. She listens to Christmas music all the time and always wants to watch the Christmas movies.
Of course she wants the Nintendo DS Lite, but I have already told her we cannoy afford to buy it this year. She did not even squak when I told her that.
So, I guess I am saying Susan, just being there and being with her is enough. Of course she will love to open things, but I would not go overboard with presents. It is the fact that you and your husband are there that counts! Gwamma and Gwmapa.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone :)
Rachael from the U.P.
Comment by Diane | Dec 11, 2006 5:11:06 PM
Our granddaughter is 10 months old and will be celebrating her first Christmas this year. She is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. We decided before she was born that for most holidays that we would try to keep the gift giving small and give money toward a college fund that we started for her.
Comment by anniebelene | Dec 11, 2006 6:48:39 PM
I can't possibly be the only one to pick up on this, can I?
"For the last two years (she was born in October 2004), her parents haven't even put up a tree, figuring she or the cat would yank it down and she wouldn't remember it anyway."
Good grief! To miss the wonder and awe in the child's eyes when the tree is lit up is a shame. When my four kids (now 25 years old and older) were growing up we had a tree and cats. Yes, there were years when the tree was tied to the wall, the same way MY Granny did it, but I can't imagine not having a tree especially when there are kids involved.
To be remember fondly, do something 'fond'. My mom always called the kids 'darling whoever' and became known as Gramma Darling. My late husband's mother, on the other hand, was known as Nana Don't. I let you guess why.
Just be careful you two don't become a bother or you won't 'go up' next year - just like the tree.
Have fun.
Comment by Roseq | Dec 11, 2006 10:55:14 PM
LOL re the Nana Don't - our family has an Uncle No (and an Uncle Jungle-Gym, for that matter).
I don't have grandchildren (yet), but when my 20-something children were small, Christmases were a lot more pressure-free. The presents we gave them, when they were preschoolers, were inexpensive and unimpressive: fingerpaints, tambourines and kazoos, small cuddly stuffed toys. Their favorite gift ever was a bucket of sidewalk chalk they were allowed to use for drawing and scribbling on the cement section of our basement floor.
We wrapped all sorts of these little items for Santa to put under our tree. Our children were thrilled with their gifts each year. It wasn't until they started school that their wish lists began to read like Toys-R-Us ads.
I say, take advantage of the years before media and peer influence enhance the wish list! Both my older kids fondly recall the sidewalk chalk. Neither one ever mentions the PlayStation Christmas.
Comment by Kelly | Dec 12, 2006 7:05:59 AM
Buy her something little but put it in a BIG box. She'll have more fun with the box - and more fun with you guys just being there and playing with her. At the age of 2, it's fun and exciting for them to have all their relatives around - more exciting than a bunch of presents.
Comment by Omaha Daddy | Dec 13, 2006 10:17:44 PM
Hey! I didn't even know you had put Katie in the Blog. Ok, here's the request from Omaha. Having you visit is much more important than stuff. Believe me, an extra book or container of Play-Do would be just fine.
Also, we did put up a tree in 04, things just got a little too hectic in 05. We put up the tree this year last Sunday. Katie's exclamation (a quick "Oooh" intake of breath and widening of eyes was a great reward) Katie's looking forward to the visit and as soon as I get home from the UP (I love traveling back to Michigan!)
See Gwamma and Papa soon!
Comment by Chris | Dec 14, 2006 2:06:58 PM
Obviously, I won't speak for Katie or her parents, but as a parent of two little girls, I have a few recommendations for those giving gifts. I'm interested to hear recommendations from other parents.
Yes
* Clothes. These are always needed. They don't have to be for right now. Clothes that will fit six months or so from now are awesome too!
* Non-electronic. Kid-powered toys are great. Electronic toys often limit the imagination and use. If GI Joe always says "Let's go get Cobra Commander!", the other enemies will be neglected.
* Imagination toys. Legos, erector sets!!!, dollhouses, blocks, dress-up. Kids that think and build are awesome!
* Puzzles. Great for learning many skills.
* Books. Buy too old rather than too young and let the parents know that you won't be disappointed if it is put away for a year or two.
* Time. The most important gift. Both the child and the parents will appreciate it.
No
* Sound makers. Sit and spin without the annoying sounds was so much better! Not everything has to beep. One exception we have loved is the Classical Chorus piano.
* Stuffed animals. NO! NO! NO! We have too many! They are going in a box. There is no room on their beds. There is no room on their dressers.
* Bubbles. This seems to be the favorite small gift and party favor. That is why we have 20-30 containers in the cupboard. OTOH, colored bubbles might be cool...
* Cell phones, pierced ears, Rated M video games. NEVER be the one to overstep the parents' boundaries. Don't even joke about it.
* Bratz dolls. A personal peeve. I'm trying to raise good kids, not brats or over-sexualized tweens. These will end up in the trash.
* Pets. Never a good idea. Let the parents do this one.
Comment by Dr. Tim | Dec 14, 2006 3:32:19 PM
Susan: The best gift is your being present AND emotionally available. Kids at that age are developing neurological structures that will allow their memory to turn on down the road and their eyes to sparkle. Kids who are neglected at that age, or worse abused, fragment into many pieces, like Humpty Dumpty, and their earliest recollection is of some event around age 13. Look at the light in her eyes let her see the light in yours and that will help her be whole. Jung said, "I would rather be whole then good" and that is what we should wish for our kids everyday of the year..."good", "bad", at that age!!?? Not so important. Eye contact??!! Absolutely precious.
Comment by leather | Mar 19, 2007 5:10:40 AM
Susan, the best gift is your being present and emotionally available.
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